Winning the Best Director and Best Actress categories at the Zepstone Film Awards in Salt Lake City was a true honor that left me speechless! The unexpected recognition from @zepstonemedia has filled me with gratitude and reminded me of the long, challenging journey that led to this moment.
As I sat at the ceremony, memories of every decision that brought me here came rushing back. I had unexpectedly lost my job right at the beginning of pre-production. Suddenly, I had to choose: find a new place to live in two months with my lease ending, search for a new job, and say goodbye to my cat, who had just been diagnosed with diabetes. It felt like everything was falling apart.
As I agonized over what to do, I realized I would never get this time back. I’d never live in this apartment or be in this exact moment again. More importantly, I knew I’d regret not taking the leap with what free time I had left. I reminded myself, it doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to get done.
I felt like I had a lot to prove at that point. My corporate job had let me go with no warning, implying I wasn’t performing well. I knew the circumstances that led to that moment, but I also knew I was good at my job. So, with a chip on my shoulder, I decided not only to write and direct my project but also to take on the role of cinematographer. And just two years later, we not only got into film festivals but won awards for this low-budget dark comedy I had decided to make last minute.
What's Next
Honestly, I don’t know what’s next. I’m focusing on creating more films and more stories. Directing is exhausting, and I’m grateful I had time to take a break. But I know that the only way I’m truly happy is by creating films, and I don’t want to stop.
Right before the awards show, I was watching Outlast, a reality survival show. What stood out to me were the people who gave up before it was clear they couldn’t go on. If they had waited just a little longer, believed in themselves a bit more, or weighed their options more carefully, they could have made it. As I watched the awards being handed out, I couldn’t help but feel like I shouldn't be there. I wasn’t expecting to win anything, though I was rooting for our lead actress. But with that show in mind, I decided to wait. Maybe if I stay a little longer, something unexpected would happen—or maybe I’d meet someone who could help shape my next project.
Then I realized my film was up for Best Director. When they called my name, I thought it was a mistake. I thought I didn’t deserve it. But as I stood in front of the crowd to accept my award, I was overwhelmed with emotion. I realized how hard I had worked to make this film happen. Being on set with my incredible cast and crew was the most fun I’ve ever had. I chose to create something for myself while my life seemed to be unraveling, and for that, I know I need to stop doubting my worth. I then promised myself that I would believe in myself a lot more moving forward.
I am immensely grateful for this recognition, but more than that, I’m grateful for the journey that brought me here. The lessons learned, the friendships, and the stories shared along the way are what truly define our success as filmmakers.
Let’s keep creating, keep dreaming, and keep pushing the boundaries of what’s possible in the world of film. More importantly, let’s believe that good things can happen to us, and that we deserve to be here.
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